Home :: Stupid Christmas Presents
Just Plain Stupid-Ridiculous Christmas Gifts
There are quite a few things on this site that make me scratch my head and wonder.
Things that I think are silly, but I guess other people don't.
There are actually some odd things that are kinda funny.
But these ones... they leave me guessin'
See if you can work them out...
Giant Plush Microbes
I remember when these first came out; I thought "No one could possibly want a cuddly little specimen of Gonorrhea (or whatever) to snuggle up to!" Boy was I wrong. These things are still selling by the truckload and I simply don't understand why.
Tauntaun Sleeping Bag
Okay, for all its utter, utter ridiculousness, I admit it: I want one of these!
If the words Hoth, Rebel Base, Wampa, AT-AT, and Ion Canon don't mean anything to you, then this is not the sleeping bag you're looking for. Move along, move along...
Tauntaun Sleeping Bag
"Weapons for a more civilised age"
And while we're on the Star Wars geek-out, get a load of these:
Star Wars Force FX Lightsabers
What?! Not nerd enough for ya? Well then...
Star Wars Force FX Removable Blade Lightsabers
Screaming Monkey Slingshot
Fling this fella about and he'll wail as he goes. Then wail some more when he hits the ground. The greater the fling or the fall, the more scream you get. This sounds like one of those toys that parents regret buying. Or that they hate Uncle Roger for buying (until Easter at least).
When you wish upon a star...
From sports stars to real stars. Here's an outfit that'll actually let you buy a star in the night sky!
Buy a star and name it and then gaze into the Milky Way and not be able to distinguish it from any of the other 400 trillion or so. But it's yours, dammit.
And talking of gazing...
Why oh why would anyone want one of these on the wall of their room?
"Dear Santa, I'd like to feel like I'm either in prison or a hobbit on a life-or-death quest. Please bring me one of those ghastly wall clocks this year..."
You're Being Watched Wall Clock
Twist equation alarm clock
And now from wall clocks to alarm clocks: This is so ridiculous it's funny! Ever have trouble getting out of bed in the morning? Prone to hitting the snooze button or just switching that sucker off? Well, no more! In order to stop this alarm clock working, you need to solve a math problem. Uuurgggh!
Twist Equation Alarm Clock
Flying alarm clock
Here's another one for the snooze-button fiends: When the alarm starts going off, the rotor twirls and zips off to... somewhere in your room! The thing is, that little rotor is also the key to shutting off that brain-drilling buzzing noise.
Know someone who's a heavy sleeper? They'll both love and hate you for this.
Flying Alarm Clock
Clocky robotic alarm
And one more, just for good measure. Once this bad boy starts Bzzzz---ttt! Bzzzzttt---! Bzzzttt!~ing away, it just ups and pisses off! You have to catch the bugger in order to switch it off. Gee, that sounds awesome, no?
If you're a light sleeper, you don't feel the pain of morning-haters like me. These three alarm clocks sound more like torture devices to me and my brethren.
Clocky Robotic Alarm
Sushi Panic Game
Put all the sushi together within the time-limit or "Whoops! Here comes an earthquake to render all that precisely-placed culinary mastery futile". Yeah.
Sushi Panic Japanese Game
Pixies and magic and all things alakazoom
Tired of just pushing that button to change channels? Waiting for that invitation to Hogwarts? Here's the solution for you! "Teach" your wand over a dozen different commands and then move it in that particular way (turn, up and down, left to right, swirl, etc.) to get the desired result.
Magic Wand - Programmable TV Remote
USB Robot Owl
I'm pretty sure this owl does absolutely nothing! Nada. Zilch. Maybe opens its eyes and looks about the place from time to time. Dunno. So why would you want it taking up one of your valuable USB ports and staring you down all day every day? Get out more, dude. Make some friends. Join a drawing class. Or go to a bar.
Bacon Lip Balm & Baconnaise
On my search for the ridiculous, I turned up a number of bacon-related items. You might have seen the bacon silk scarf on this page. Well, here are a couple more that beggar belief...
Bacon Lip Balm
Canned Unicorn Meat
I can't help but laugh at this one. Way to go on dashing little Janie's dreams, now, Dad.
Sports Fan...uh... toasters???
Every morning awaken to the smell of freshly cooked toast, emblazoned with your team's emblem! Spread your unicorn meat on and you're good to go. Go team!
New Orleans Saints ProToast Toaster
If you like this, you might also like the sports fan garden gnomes here.